White House Asserts Executive Privilege

New allegations arose today in the Monica Lewinsky investigation. Sources familiar with the case say Independent Counsel Ken Starr has obtained conclusive proof that Ms. Lewinsky lied under oath to investigators. Sources report that the contents of the tapes now in Starr’s possession reveal that the president directly pressured Ms. Lewinsky to lie. The tapes contain conversations in which Ms. Lewinsky details the types of pressures exerted by the president that compelled her to lie.

Despite the seemingly damning evidence, many sources say, the battle may not be over. The White House is already posturing to take advantage of a potential legal loophole. The issue may arise as to if it can be proven that President Clinton was aware that Ms. Lewinsky was in fact lying. They point out that while she may have lied because of the president, she also lied to the president. “If she was not truthful with the investigation, that is shocking and distressing news to the president. He believed at the time she was telling the truth and has still not accepted the claim that she was ever lying,” Deputy White House Chief of Staff John Podesta has told CNN. President Bill Clinton’s senior communications aide Sidney Blumenthal is quoted as saying, “He wasn’t born yesterday. This president has had vast experience in these matters. He would have been able to tell if she was faking.” Other White House sources have declined to discuss their conversations with the president about the Lewinsky controversy. White House lawyers are preparing legal briefs to defend the administration’s position, and expect the judge to call a hearing within the next week.

Lewinsky may be called to testify before the grand jury as early as Wednesday, though arrangements were incomplete Tuesday night. Sources close to Starr’s office say he is preparing to appeal if no compromise is reached and he loses before the judge supervising the grand jury. However, sources report no substantive progress and say talks between the White House and Starr’s office are virtually nonexistent.

The full tapes have yet to be released. However, transcribed excerpts from the tapes appear to be extremely damaging to the presidency. Among other things, Ms. Lewinsky is reported as saying, “Knowing how he is, lying about it seemed like the easiest way to get the whole thing over with quickly. I was like really tired and had like totally lost interest. If I told him the truth, it would have just gone on and on, and then eventually he’d just get mad and blame me anyhow.” Sources from Independent Counsel Ken Starr’s office claim the tape is significant in that it explicitly refers to the nature of the lies and illustrates in detail the way in which the president encouraged her to lie. Farther along in the transcript Lewinsky says, “The big guy is such a baby about it. He’s the leader of the [deleted expletive] free world; he shouldn’t have such a delicate ego about it. I was afraid he’d like get all frustrated and bomb Iraq or something. I didn’t want some Freudian, I’m still a man, collateral damage thing on my conscience.” Representatives from Starr’s office claim they will have no trouble proving that “it” was not in fact “good for” Lewinsky, ever thought she stated under oath that it was. They assert that they will also be able to link this compulsion to perjure herself to direct emotional pressure from the president. “It is our contention the president was not in fact concerned as to whether Ms. Lewinsky got off or not. He just wanted her to do the ‘When Harry Met Sally’ thing and say it was great so he could get back to watching Hee Haw reruns.”

Ms. Lewinsky’s attorney, Bill Ginsburg, is seeking full immunity for his client before she will agree to testify. At this time, she is being accused not only of lying under oath but lying under the president as well. It is unclear what charges could be filed against Monica Lewinsky as a result of these new revelations. Ginsburg says his client has suffered enough and will constantly be burdened by stigma, mild guilt, and a vaguely unsatisfied feeling. In an interesting turn of events, another spokesperson for Ms. Lewinsky claimed she was not at all unsatisfied because she took care of it, “as soon as she got home”. Adding that she said, “it happens all the time and it’s really no big deal. It’s why God invented NiCad batteries.” 

Nonetheless, it may turn into a big deal for Monica. Sources close to the president confirm that he has said openly that she, “swore to him that she got off big time”. He is further quoted by an unnamed source as saying, “Man, she was bucking like a pickup truck with square tires.” This may be the key to Starr’s case and the end of the Clinton presidency. If the president of the United States asked her to swear, and she agreed, that constitutes a legal oath. If she lied to the president, that is perjury on her part. If she lied because he wanted her to do so, that is obstruction of justice on his part. Starr has confided, “This is just the kind of obtuse argument the Supreme Court was created for. These leering, drooling, bitter about being past their sexually active years, perverts will jump all over this thing like pit bulls on a toddler as one last lascivious thrill on the way to the grave. As a thoroughly impotent man, I know firsthand the kind of jealous rage this oversexed yokel can evoke in the limper of God’s creatures.”

Additional related charges could be filed against the president based on the contents of the tapes. Sources reveal that Ms. Lewinsky claimed that the president would often engage in a practice, which she describes as, “finishing first.” Something he referred to as, “executive privilege.” While this type of conduct is not illegal in Washington D.C., it is a felony in several eastern states. The constitutionality of this practice has been called into question by several observers. Sources say that this should technically require congressional approval before the president may invoke his privilege in this manner. Constitutional intricacies aside, if it can be proved the president encouraged Ms. Lewinsky to lie under oath about whether she minded terribly, Independent Counsel Ken Starr’s office is confident this will lead to further charges or at minimum more congressional funding for the investigation. The White House has hired attorney Neil Eggleston to prepare its brief, in consultation with White House lawyers. He used to work in the Clinton White House counsel’s office and defended the administration’s position in a prior case over executive privilege.